


What Comes Up, Must Come Down

by dean_winchester_has_fallen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bad Binding Methods, Coming Out, FTM Sugawara Koushi, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, Hospitals, I can't do tenses, I'm so sorry, Injury, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Suga is okay being Team Mother, Suga uses female pronouns in the beginning but it changes later on, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, being outed, eventual OT3, supportive boyfriends, this is a mess, you may not be crying but I am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 03:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7741861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dean_winchester_has_fallen/pseuds/dean_winchester_has_fallen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suga hadn't known what transgender was until she was 14. Until she figured out why she was so unhappy. Until she realised she was a boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How I Am The Way I Am

**Author's Note:**

> Okey dokey. I must say, please do not bind with any kind of tape or ace bandages. I have in the past. Both of them have fucked up my breathing and lungs, my ribs constantly ached, and the tape literally ripped my skin off, I still have scars from it. This fic has some triggering material (self-harm, etc.), so please, if you are self-harming, talk to someone.  
> Most, if not all, of Suga's backstory, was based on me and what I've gone through as an FTM teen.  
> Still, I've tried not to make it too dark? The beginning is a bit heavy, sorry about that.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. I'm accepting prompts, so if you having one please leave a comment.  
> Kudos and comments about what you enjoyed/feel could be improved are always very much appreciated!  
> Thank you!

Suga hadn't always known. She hadn't even heard of the word until she was 14 when she was in her final year before high school. But as soon as she knew what it meant, she knew that she had found the reason why she had always been so unhappy with herself.

Suga had been a happy child. Her family had lived in Tokyo, a big city. Diverse, despite Japan's reputation for conservatism. Moving to the countryside had been a shock to her system at age nine. People were different, everything was different. It was tighter, closed in, girls and boys did not talk to each other unless they had a crush, girls liked dolls and boys liked cars. Anyone who deviated from what was 'normal' was cast to the side, the only acknowledgement they received was quick, disgusted looks and not-so-quiet whispers as they walked down the halls.Suga had never thought about gender and what it would mean for her until she moved to the country. Suddenly, she couldn't do certain things, she couldn't wear shorts to school, it had to be a skirt, she had to play with dolls, she had to wear a pink bow, she had to grow her hair from its short ear-length crop, layered, with a middle parted fringe.

Suga wasn't such a happy child anymore, and her parents slowly started to notice. It didn't help that her teacher didn't like her, said she "ran funny", that she was "such a weird... awkward child". 

She started to withdraw into herself when it was clear that she was different, worse, than the rest of her class. Others noticed, but did nothing to help, instead choosing to fuel her reasons for shying away. 

Suga first cut when she was 11. She had used a knife.

The first and only holiday Suga had been on was to France. It was a weird experience, but a happy one. There had been a shop on a windy road leading up through the centre of a mountain village, it was just next to the river they'd been kayaking on. One of her parents hadn't wanted to go, couldn't handle boats, no matter how small, so had roamed the town. She had bought Suga a hand-made knife.

  
It had a great hilt, a section cut out of the middle on the inside where the knife folded in on itself, its handle was its sheath. The blade wasn't any longer than 3 inches, maybe even two, but as she discovered it was not the length, but the sharpness that really mattered. She'd only heard faint stories about it before, people who hurt themselves, and it wasn't until the first cut that she understand why they did it. 

She was stupid at first and made too many small cuts on the back of her left hand.

So noticeable. 

Understandably, when she went down to dinner that night her parents had told her to take off the gloves, it wasn't polite to wear them inside the house, let alone at the dinner table. 

She took them off. Tried to pull her sleeves down, and when no one said anything, she thought she'd gotten away with it. It was only when she was asked to stay after dinner that she realised she hadn't been so lucky. Her parents questioned her, asked "Why" too many times for her to be comfortable with. The harsh questioning hard forced her to tears. 

They wouldn't leave her alone. Wouldn't let her leave. 

She didn't know why she did it, but she knew it wouldn't be the last time. She didn't voice it. She told them what she would later cringe at; a complete bullshit excuse, and said, but not promised, she wouldn't do it again. She went up to her room and cried herself to sleep. 

People asked questions at school. 

'My neighbour has a cat, safe to say it doesn't like me!' She laughed as she fed her 'concerned' classmates her rehearsed excuse. 

One person guessed. Passed her a note in Physics class, and she said 'Yes, I did it myself'. She didn't get a reply but drew her head down every time she passed her in the corridor. They never spoke again, and the girl never told anyone else. The only reminder was a small silver line on the back of her hand, barely a centimetre long, and the memories that she tried to ignore.   
________

She didn't cut again for about a year. She was 12, and the only friend she had had at this school started to ignore her entire existence, even with Suga's attempts to make conversation when they were a foot apart, her 'friend' had turned their back and acted as if they hadn't been friends for years, despite saying that they always would be. 

When she went home at the end of the week, sadly confident in the fact that her friend had abandoned her, she wasn't so stupid with where she cut. She waited until after dinner, until after she had said goodnight to her parents before she took the knife from her top drawer and held it against the top of her upper left arm. 

She slowly pressed down and drew it across. No more than a bead of blood was drawn. 

She frowned. Yes, it had hurt, and she didn't exactly enjoy the sting of the knife cutting her skin open, but she liked the blood, liked the pain that _followed_. She put the knife directly where she attempted to cut before, pressed it down against her skin, and swiped it down and across. The pain registered immediately, and she looked down. Her skin had been slit open, five centimetres across this time, at least. Blood welled in the cut but didn't flow like she wanted it. She put the knife back, and this time, when she pressed it down, pulling across, it hurt like it hadn't before, but she wanted more blood and knew this was the way to go deeper. She took a deep breath. Held it. And breathed out only after slicing again, pressing harder and quicker than she had before. The cut was longer, and finally, blood swelled and spilled over the edges. 

She looked at the slice with calmness, contentedness. She slept soundly that night, her black long sleeved t-shirt pulled right down to her wrists. She wouldn't risk getting caught again.   
______

It hurt in the shower the next morning, the hot water running into the deep cut sliced into her upper arm. She could see the fat in her arm, it yellowness contrasting with the pink of her skin. She was pleased with how deeply she'd cut. 

She put a plaster on it before putting on her white school shirt. The plaster didn;t cover the whole cut, but would stop the worst of the clear liquid that the wound leaked from seeping into her shirt. She went to school happier that day, the pleasant dull ache of her left arm grounding her.   
_____________

Suga was fourteen, had four angry red scars on her left upper arm, and had just discovered the word transgender. She quickly closed the tab she'd used to Google what it meant, and went to sleep.   
_____________

The word never escaped her mind, though, and the more she thought about it, and what it meant, the more she realised why she was so unhappy.   
______________

Suga comes out to her parents a month later, she'd had to be sure about herself. Himself.

Her parents - ... His parents were hesitant at first, but adapted quickly, knowing that he didn't do things half-way. He was serious about this. They got started on the paperwork. He narrows down the options for what he wants to be called, and by the end of the school year he isn't Kiyoko anymore, but Koushi. During the summer before he started high school, his parents work on changing every piece of paperwork and identification he has so that they all state "Sugawara Koushi, Male". He hears his parents discussing how much happier he seems, and he sleeps with a smile on face.   
______________

It's the night before his first day at Karasuno highschool. No one will know he used to be Kiyoko, his parents made sure that they blamed the school for enrolling their child with the wrong first name and gender, saying the school "needed to double check their paperwork!", and the school, not wanting the wrath of two angry parents, quickly complied with their demands. 

But Suga had another issue, whichi hapened to be his chest. His mother wasn't a small-chested woman, and he wasn't a small-chested man. He had a binder, a good one, but no matter what his breasts would not stay completely flat. He'd read that to get them the flattest he had to push them to the side, but no matter what he did they didn't stay, they always came back to the front to form a far-too-prominant bulge. He'd read about unsafe ways to bind, and knew that people did them because they were effective. 

He went to his top drawer and pulled out the ace bandages and duct tape he had ordered. He put on music, and tore off long strips of tape, using them to pull his breasts to the side and connecting the tape to overlap on his back, he then wrapped the banadaged around his partened breasts, and put the binder on top to keep everything in place. He put on his school shirt, and looked at himself sideways in the mirror and smiled. 

With his short, grey hair and (thankfully) not too feminine his face, and now his flat chest, he finally looked like a boy.

 


	2. Outed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga had been flying with his secrets, but he was about to come crashing down.

He only joined the volleyball club in his second year at Karasuno, the physical memory from his childhood of setting helping him get back into the flow of things. He quickly formed friendships with others in and below his year; Asahi and Daichi in his year, and Nishinoya, Tanaka, and Ennoshita in the year below. He had friends, and he had a feeling they wouldn't abandon his as easily as his previous friends had in the past. 

He worked hard to get back into shape, his binding methods not helping him at all, but he couldn't let anyone know. Not even his parents. Not after the first time they found out he was hurting himself. He never wanted to go through that again, no matter the cost.

His team members respected his privacy; they never asked why he changed on his own, why he never stayed overnight at their houses despite going to training camps where he bathed and changed alone. He couldn't risk them seeing the scars on his arms, or thighs, even his feet, and wrist. He never took off his socks and made sure to wear a sweat band or watch to hide the small scars on his wrist. He couldn't hide the scar he'd given himself a year prior when he'd worked himself up during lunch and had scratched the skin on the back of his hand until a small drop of blood had been drawn to the surface. Neither Daichi nor Asahi had noticed. The next day a massive ugly scab had been on the back of his left hand, just under the small silver sliver. He laughed and told his friends he had tripped and scraped the back of his hand. He continued to laugh at his own 'clumsiness' whilst thinking how anyone could actually fall to land so that only the back of their hand was scraped as if three fingernails had worn down the skin in a calm, yet frenzied panic. 

He shook his head and told himself that it was good they hadn't noticed, that meant he was safe.  
_______________

However, him being as gay as he was, and spending such long periods of time with boys, he was bound to develop a crush. Or crushes. But the main issue wasn't necessarily that it was with two people. Because if that was the only problem, he'd simply spend more time with the both of them and see if one of the crushes faded away and his feelings for the other increased, then he'd see if they were interested. If not, then he'd simply deal with it. 

However, Suga's predicament was a little bit more difficult to deal with. His two crushes were already with people. Namely, they were with each other. Asahi and Daichi were dating. And he was left to wallow in his gayness alone whilst pining for the unattainable. 

The only solution he knew was to distance himself further, but _only_ whilst supporting their relationship. He would never let them think for even one second he wasn't okay with them being together. But, however unintentionally, seeing them together did hurt a bit; it reminded him of what he couldn't have. But he could stay friends. He _would_ stay friends. he wasn't going to lose two of his closest friends just because of some crush.

Nope.  
_______________

The problem that was bound to happen since he first started binding finally happened soon after he had started his third year of high school and they were well on their way into forming a proper team with the new first years. 

Over his years of binding and the multitude of small scars on his back from where the tape had forcefully torn some skin off his back and breasts no matter how slowly he pulled the tape off, the inevitable fallout for his lack of safety happened during a practice match in the Karasuno gym. 

He'd had relatives visiting for the past four weekends, and he'd had to bind. He couldn't not when they had visitors. His ribs had had no rest. He wore his binder for too long every day anyway due to his wake up time, then school, then practice and then sometimes hangouts with Asahi and Daichi. 

His torso ached and his breathing was ragged. Volleyball practice had started 30 minutes ago, 20 of which had been stretching. He knew he shouldn't be this out of breath and he could see Daichi and Asahi's concerned faces out of the corner of his eye, even Ennoshita looked wary of his condition. 

Ukai had them practicing things they weren't used to, to help strengthen them overall and improve their stamina. Suga was focusing on spiking. 

He saw the ball fly into the air before falling down towards Noya's patiently waiting hands, Suga ran to the net, and could feel the tape under his bindings pulling at his skin, some ripping away just from the movement of his sprint and he grunted quietly at the pain, his thighs and arms ached from the phantom pain of the cuts he had made far too deep into his limbs with his knife and later on, a sharp piece of broken glass. 

His torso burned as he jumped, but as he pulled his arm back to his the ball Noya had set to his he could feel his binding tightening around him with his deep breath, and as his arm reached as far back as he allowed it, before he could wrench it forward to hit the ball, a resounding crack echoed through the hall, followed closely by Suga's scream as he collapsed mid-air, falling in a crumpled heap to he floor, lying on his side, arms wrapped around his ribs as he panted, each breath tearing pain through him as he cried. 

No one moved immediately, it was only as the team fully registered that Suga was crying on the floor in obvious pain that they leapt to him, Daichi and Asahi the quickest. 

All Suga saw through his tears was dark shapes surrounding him. He panicked. He suddenly couldn't breathe at all, the small pants of air he'd been getting previously were cut off as his anxiety spiked. Black dots filled his vision before he felt himself go slack, consciousness leaving him.

_____________

"Daichi, oh god, he can't breathe, he's not breathing. Oh god, Daichi, why isn't he breathing?" Asahi wasn't known for his stoicism, and Daichi laid a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. 

Ukai burst through the circle the team had formed around Suga, and crouched down next to him, quietly assessing Suga, before placing his hands on top of Suga's ribs and frowning. 

"What the fuck is that..."

Asahi ignored the swearing he'd usually balk at and frowned, curious as to what Ukai meant.

"What is what?"

"Kid's got something wrapped around his chest."

Daichi, sensing that Ukai wouldn't exactly be comfortable pulling up a kid's shirt, silently apologised to Suga before wrenching Suga's top up to his chin, his whole torso now visible. 

"W-what is that...."

Daichi doesn't know who says it but knows that everyone's thinking it, himself included.

Suga is wearing what looks like a white tank top but looks far too tight be comfortable. Underneath it, they can vaguely see something bumpy wrapped around his upper torso.

Just beneath Suga's armpits, he can see a glimpse of what looks like duct tape. _What has Suga been doing to himself..._

"C-coach, I think his breathing's getting worse!" 

Ukai steps up and realises the problem, but not before Suga goes slack. 

"He's just unconcious. Alright kids! Tsukkishima, go grab the nurse as fast as you can," Tsukishima quickly runs off, obviously understanding the seriousness of the situation, "Ennoshita, Asahi and Daichi, you're all closest to Suga so I want you to stay with him when Tsukishima comes back with the nurse, the rest of you, I know you're worried but I'm cutting practice short. Head home, Suga isn't going to die, you'll see him again, so go get changed. So many people crowding around him won't help him any, despite how much he loves you guys. Oh, and don't worry about clearing up today, now go on, scat!" Despite the brusque delivery, the team can see the worry in Ukai's expression. 

The rest of the team hesitantly disperses, sad that they can't stay, concern written on all of their faces.

Tsukishima quickly returns with the school nurse in tow, who quickly halts when he sees the problem, obviously understanding Suga's situation where the rest of the team has remained oblivious. 

"Ah... I see... I'm glad you didn't keep the whole team here, Ukai, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you and the students to leave temporarily, I'm going to need to cut off Sugawara-kun's bindings, and he won't appreciate if more people than necessary see his chest."

  
Ukai, obviously surprised at the request (which he knows really isn't a request) quickly pushes the three shocked students out of the gym, Tsukishima having left as soon as he brought the nurse, knowing that his presence wouldn't help. 

As the nurse heard the gym door shut behind Ukai, he quickly knelt down beside Suga and smiled sadly, regretting that the student hadn't come to him for help. He quickly opened the medical kit he'd brought with him, and fetched the scissors, silently apologising to Suga before he grabbed the straps, cut them, then moved to the bottom of the material covering Suga's chest before cutting up the centre. Having cut open and removed the binder, he frowned as he took in the unhealthy measures Suga had taken when trying to bind his breasts down. He apologised again in his head, before cutting up the centre of the bandages, however, what he hadn't been expecting was to see copious amounts of duct tape beneath.

His breath caught, and he wondered how long Suga had been hurting himself like this. He hastily put down the scissors and ran to the door, he'd need help with this. He wrenched open the door, and quickly spotting the largest of the group, called for him.

"Azamane-kun, I need your assistance, please. Ukai, while he is helping me, please call an ambulance, I can only help temporarily. Shut the door behind you please, Azumane."

Not waiting before he headed back inside, he could hear the sputtering student quickly follow him, the sound of the door shutting behind him the only warning before the large student knelt beside him and the unconscious Suga, obviously in shock from what he was seeing. 

"I need you to hold him up, keep his back as straight as you can, I need to gently remove the tape to prevent as much skin coming off as I can."

Asahi did as instructed, despite still being in shock at what Suga had been doing to himself. Why hadn't he confided in any of them?

The removal of the tape was painful for everyone. the nurse didn't want to hurt Suga, but knew it couldn't be helped. Asahi hated watching, but couldn't tear his eyes away as the tape revealed breasts he did not expect to see, but what really broke his heart was the skin that was ripped off along with the tape, small lines of blood flowing down from where enough skin had been torn off to reach blood. 

"Please, I know this is stressful, but try not to shake too much. Keep him as still as you can."

Asahi hadn't even realised his arms had been shaking, thus causing his large hands on Suga's shoulder to jostle his slight frame. Asahi whispered his apology.

"S-sorry..." 

"It's okay, I know this is hard for you, but Suga will be fine. I need to re-wrap his chest, not only to keep his broken rib in place, but also to cover the wounds from the tape."

"B-broken rib?! Is... Is that what the s-snapping sound was..." Asahi went pale at the realisation, everyone had been much too fixated on Suga's collapse than to try and think about the reason _why_ he'd collapsed. The nurse wrapped Suga's chest gently as he replied.

"I presume so. I noticed it when removing his binder earlier. He has been lucky; it has not punctured a lung. The ambulance should arrive soon, and he'll get professional help, but this will help him for the time being, and I've wrapped it lightly enough that it shouldn't do further damage."

"Thank you, sensei." They were tears in Asahi's eyes, and the nurse smiled gently at the young student. 

The nurse didn't have time to reply as paramedics trailed in through the door and took Suga away, reasurring the crying teens that their friend would be okay on their way out. 

As the ambulance sped away, those remaining in the doors of the gym were silent. At least until the nurse shouted to get their attention, startling those who remained.

"Alright! Obviously none of you know what happened, and since I know that you are all close with Sugawara-kun I know he'll be okay with me telling you about what just happened."

The nurse took a deep breath, calming himself, before continuing, softer than before.

"Sugawara is transgender, which means that he is someone who does not identify with their birth-given sex. Sugawara has a female body, but is a boy, _okay_? If anyone has a problem, feel free to take it up with me and I'll explain it over again until you understand. You will not be mean to or bully Sugwara about this. It is not something to be made fun of, and his identity is one hundred percent valid. Sugawara is a transgender male, most people who are transgender boys choose to bind their breasts down to give the appearance of a flat chest, helping them pass as a boy, however, Sugawara has gone to extremes, and frankly rather unhealthy methods to achieve this. Binding can be very taxing to the body, and it is clear that Sugawara's body has not had enough rest without the binder, he has also used other methods such as tape and bandages to further flatten his chest, which have put a massive strain on his ribs and skin. He has multiple open wounds on his chest, back and sides caused by the tape, and the tightness of his bindings and the continued pressure has caused him to break a rib." 

Shock filled the faces of those surrounding him, but he seaw no disgust, only sad acceptance of the pain Suga had gone through.

"Ukai, I'm afraid I have other duties to attend to, but I'm sure that these students might appreciate a lift to the hospital."

A chorus of nods followed his suggestion. 


	3. Disclosure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's out in the light.

Suga felt numb as he regained consciousness. He felt heavy; his limbs weighed down by fatigue and emotional exhaustion. He shifted slightly, testing how much he could actually move. It was soft, but constricting as if he'd been wrapped in a blanket and tucked in extremely efficiently. His arms he could move a lot more freely, though. He assumed they were lying on top of his comfy prison. 

He opened his eyes but didn't get far before his vision was assaulted by brightness. White, everywhere. 

Hospital. 

Oh god. He remembered it all now. He'd been practicing spiking. His rib. Oh god, what happened after that? He knew he fell, but everything after that was just... blank. Did he pass out? Oh god. The team probably knows. He could feel his breathing picking up. He could feel that his ribs were wrapped, but not his chest.

Everything was out in the open know. The team would kick him out. The school would kick him out. His parents would be disappointed and they'd leave him. He'd caused them too much trouble anyway. 

He felt a weight on his left hand before a soothing voice tried to calm him down. He scrunched his eyes in concentration, trying to bring himself out of his panic.

"Suga, hey, everything's okay, you're in the hospital," He knew he was in the hospital, that was the issue "Oh gosh, um, I'm sorry, it's Daichi, everything's okay, Suga, please, just breathe, in and out. Asahi's here with me, we're not leaving you, it's okay. Koushi, breathe."

Daichi's quiet mantra eventually allowed Suga to pull in a shaky breath. He opened his eyes and saw a tiled ceiling, but a smidge of dark hair in his peripheral vision caused him to look left. 

Daichi and Asahi were sitting there, concern etched into both of their faces. 

Suga didn't know what to say. He couldn't even begin to explain himself, he'd been keeping this a secret for _so long..._

Daichi and Asahi looked at each other. 

"Uh, Suga? Um, maybe we should explain what happened after you... after you, uh blacked out?" Despite the nervousness that Asahi clearly displayed in his speech, there was a certain strength to the way he spoke, as if he was pulling himself together for Suga, despite the clearly distressing circumstances. 

Suga gave a small nod, he still couldn't move much. He assumed since he was so numb and couldn't feel any pain that was on some kind of numbing medication.

Asahi saw the nod and began. 

"Um, after you blacked out, well, the team was already panicking by then..." Suga winced. Asahi didn't notice. Daichi did, and grabbed his hand, rubbing soothing circles over his knuckles "But Ukai kind of stepped up and went to check your breathing, 'cause it was getting really bad," Asahi took a moment to calm his breathing, obviously affected, "but he noticed that you had something, uh, wrapped around your ribs... He told Tsukishima to get the nurse and told the rest of the team to leave, but he let Ennoshita, Daichi and I stay, because we're the closest to you, although maybe not as close as we thought... "Asahi hadn't meant for it to sting, but it did. He soon noticed his mistake, but couldn't think of anything to say to counter what he'd done, so continued with the story. "Oh! Uh! Um.. Well... The nurse arrived and told the rest of us to leave, so he could tend to you privately... We waited a bit before the nurse came and asked for me to help. He needed help holding you up so he could remove the, uh.... the... b-bindings, and t-tape from a-around your brea-... your, uh, chest."

Asahi paused for a moment, tears not-yet-shed causing his eyes to redden. 

"It was really bad, Suga... Your back and ch-chest were covered in b-blood because of the tape... It had... torn off some of your skin..." 

Tears started to fall down Asahi red cheeks, but he didn't stop. Daichi lay a comforting hand on the friendly giant's shoulder. 

"The nurse said your ribs were in really bad condition because of the way you'd been b-binding. Why... Why didn't you tell us? I.. I thought we were friends, I... We... We really like you, Suga! Why couldn't you trust us with this? We weren't going to leave you because of this!" 

Asahi covered his face with his hands as sobs wracked his large frame, his shoulder shaking with the effort to hold in his cries. 

"Asahi..." Suga didn't know where to begin. He hadn't expected this reaction at all. 

Daichi broke the silence that followed.

"I think what Asahi is most upset about, is that we have trusted you with our secrets, Suga. We thought you knew we would not ostracise you for something like this. You're still _our_ Suga, okay? We'll never leave you." A soft smile lit up Daichi's face, and Suga couldn't hold in the tears, following Asahi's example by covering his face with his free hand. He was able to move much easier than when he'd woken up, the fatigue slowly seeping out of his bones with the words of encouragement from his friends. What made Suga cry even more, is the realisation that the nurse had not completely taken off his top, simply pulling it up to gain access to his chest. No one had seen his scars. No one knew about those. Yet, at least. 

A nurse came in shortly after that, saying Suga's heart rate had sped up and had come to check on him. She also quickly shooed Asahi and Daichi, who were very reluctant to leave. But promised to pick Suga up to bring him home as his parents were away on a business trip, and couldn't only manage to get home the day after his release. Suga had called them letting them know he was fine now; it was just a small volleyball injury. Daichi had the team sweat not to talk to anyone by what had happened, as far as anyone else knew, Suga was just ill. 

____________

Daichi and Asahi arrived the next day with Daichi's mother to drive him to the Sawamura home, where'd he be staying overnight until his parents collected him the following evening. 

Suga braced himself as Mrs. Sawamura burst open the door, standing in the entrance with her hands on her hips, a stern expression on her face. 

"Suga-kun!" Oh gosh. Here she came. The famous Mrs. Sawamura. 

"How dare you land yourself in the hospital! My baby boy" She grabbed Daichi by his head and shoved him protectively under her arm in a motherly, caring headlock, smothering him slightly as he struggled in her strong grip, "has been worrying over you for far too long now!" She stepped forward, dragging a blushing Daichi with her while

Asahi giggled behind his hand to the right of them. 

"Sugawara Koushi you better listen up! Whilst you stay with the Sawamuras you will be fattened up, you are far too thin! And you will be cared for and doted on! No exceptions!" 

Mrs. Sawamura, of course, shouted all of this before letting Daichi go, who gasped for breath, clasped her hands together, and proceeded to cackle. 

Suga couldn't stop the grin from spreading on his face, "Yes, Mrs. Sawamura, thank you." 

"Ah, you're so polite! Daichi! Asahi!" They both stood to attention. "This one's a keeper! I always knew it! You two better take good care of him!" 

She cackles again before waltzing out the door, knowing they'll soon follow her to the car, leaving all of them to blush at her last exclamation. Daichi, clearly embarrassed, rubs a hand along the back of his neck. 

"Uh, sorry about that..." He chuckles nervously before Suga bursts out laughing.

"I love your mum, Daichi. I feel welcome already!" 

Suga is still laughing as he climbs off the bed, already out of the hospital gown and back in normal clothes, although the jumper that had been provided for him seemed far too large to be his. He'd ask about it later.

Suga is still laughing as he walks, doing his best to keep his back as still and straight ( ~~ha~~ ) as possible. As Asahi moves to his side to help him down, Suga can't help but blush at his close proximity. Though he supposes Asahi and Daichi see his blush as exertion. 

He doesn't see the sly, knowing look Asahi and Daichi give each over his head. 

The make their way comfortably to the car, not going too fast so that Suga doesn't get out of breath and do further damage. The blush doesn't have a chance to leave his cheeks at the closeness of his crushes, who are both. _Very_. Attentive. 

And _oh dear lord,_ was Daichi's voice always that deep? 

Asahi has never seemed larger, and _whew boy_ does it do things to Suga's already weak legs. 

They finally make it to the car, and Suga is safe in the front seat next to Mrs. Sawamura; no attractive boys to distract him. Too much, at least. 

The drive is relatively quick, and it mostly entails Mrs. Sawamura telling Suga how much she's going to feed him. Suga feels a bit ill by the end of the trip. He doesn't think he eats that much food in a week, let alone a night. 

Mrs. Sawamura quickly shooes them into Daichi's room, big enough for the three of them to share. Which they will be. They'll all be sleeping. Together. In the same room.

Suga does his best to convince himself that it just like training camp, despite the obviously more intimate nature of the sleeping arrangements. The much smaller space they'll be sharing. 

Just the three of them. Two of which were together. Have been for over a year. And then Suga. The lone wolf. The Piner. Suga internally cringed at himself. When had he become like this? He used to have them wrapped around his pinkie, and now it appears the tables were turned. One look from either of them; one of their hands at the small of his back guiding him as he walked; even them just saying his given name; any of these things could turn him into jelly. 

"Koushi?"

_Oh god._

"You spaced out there for a second, are you okay?" They both looked at him with concern written in their eyes.

"YUP!" 

They jumped slightly at his... enthusiastic response. Whoops.

Suga laughed nervously. _Well done, him._

"Oh, uh sorry! Yeah, I'm fine..." He rubbed the nape of his neck with one hand as he scrambled to change the topic.

"Uh, how is the... How's the club doing?"

Daichi answered as Asahmaneuvereded Suga to sit down on Daichi's bed. The bed that smelled a lot like him. _Deep breaths, Suga_. Wait, no! That didn't help him  _at all_.

Suga did his best to keep a calm expression on his face as he breathed in Daichi's scent while Asahi sat next to him on the bed. Right next to him. Shoulder to shoulder, butt to butt. 

_Oh boy._

"Ennoshita has been standing in as Captain for me, it's good practice for him when he's Captain when we're gone. Surprisingly, our two managers have also really stepped up their game even more, making sure all the team didn't get out of shape worrying about... What's been going on. Kiyoko-" 

Suga couldn't help the flinch. He thought he'd be able to control it by now, but sometimes the name always caught him off guard. Hearing his... previous name always made him nervous, it made him think people were mocking him, invalidating him. But he knew that Daichi hadn't meant it, he didn't even knew Suga's previuos name. He was just talking about a friend of theirs.

"Suga...? Are you okay?"

He kept quiet, but lowered his head. The atmosphere significantly dampened by his reaction. 

"You... you flinched. Did Kiyoko... Do something?"

He flinched again, and knew he had to explain. 

"You both know by now that I'm... t-transgender, r-right?" He looked up just in time to see both of them nod. 

"Well, I haven't always known. I only found out the year before I came to Karasuno, so I had a different name before Koushi..." 

Before Suga knew it, he was telling them everything. How he was so achingly sad when he was younger, how he found out why he was sad, what he did when he was sad. When he told them about the self-harm, he unknowingly begun rubbing his arm and then his thighs. The scars still hurt sometimes, an ache that sometimes restricted some movements in his limbs. He told them about coming out to parents, how they didn't really understand at first. His mother had even said at one point that she didn't believe him. Suga told them how he had cried in his room after that. He told them about his parents changing all his documentation from his... previous name to Koushi. How he'd started binding, how much better it made him feel. But he just wasn't flat enough, so he'd resorted to methods he'd heard were effective. Despite the consequences. Suga didn't feel horrible with himself then, though, he was wearing an oversized hoodie, which he only realised now was big enough to fit Asahi.

Oh. Wait a minute.

He was wearing Asahi's hoodie. 

Oh no. _Oh no._ Mission one: Don't blush.

Mission One: _failed._

He shook his head, he shouldn't get distracted, and quickly went back to the story. Daichi and Asahi politely ignored the long pause where Suga had been internaly panicking. 

He told them how he'd conditioned himself until he could excercise normally whilst binding. He tactfully left out how he was crushing on both of them. When Suga reached the end of his story, he felt strong arms encompass him from both sides. 

As tears filled his eyes, he heard the two of them whisper in his ears.

"Suga, we're so sorry we weren't there for you like we should have been."

"We're here for you now."

"You'll never have to suffer alone again."

"You have us now, Suga."

"We're not leaving you."

_"We love you, Suga."_

He stoppped breathing, stiffened and pulled back. 

Asahi and Daichi immediately backpedalled. 

"Oh god, did we misread this?"

"Suga, we're so sorry, we can leave if you're uncomfortable."

"We really like you, but we won't do anything if you don't want to!"

"Can we please stay friends? At least?"

Asahi's pleading tone pulled Suga out of his shocked stupor. He coughed, still surprised at their confession, before talking.

"You... you like me?"

They answered in sync.

"Yes."

"B-both of you?"

"Yes."

"I... Um. Oh, uh. Well, I never really expected to be in this situation..."

A patient smile spread across both of their faces. 

"We're sorry, we don't want to rush you, Suga."

Asahi went to pull away, but before he could Suga was clutching at his shirt, keeping Asahi still where he was still pressed into his side. Daichi smartly stayed still on Suga's other side. 

"Please, stay... I just... I'm a bit in shock. I never expected either of you to like me... Not when I was.. And you two were... I just..." 

Suga took a deep breath. 

"It's okay, Suga, we'll stay as long as you'll have us. Would you like that?"

Asahi voice noticably deepened with the last question. Suga gulped, before letting out a "Yes, please" through parched lips.

He was quickly, but gently, manoeuvred so that his back was resting against Asahi's chest, and Daichi's simply laid his head across Suga's thigh. 

"Just rest for now, Koushi. We'll still be here when you wake up, we always will be." 

Suga fell asleep with a smile on his lip, large hands running through his hair, and warm breath fanning across his thighs.

  
_____________

 

Suga returned to school the day after next, having spent a day at home resting while his parents looked after him, making sure he was okay before they were inevitably called away on another business trip. He didn't mind, it meant he got to stay with Daichi and Asahi as he wasn't allowed to be left alone until he fully healed. 

He also didn't feel as nervous as he would have alone; Daichi and Asahi insisted on walking to school with him. He knew he wouldn't be participating in practice for quite a bit, but he was still allowed to attend practice. 

The gym went silent as Suga opened the door. The anxiety thrumming through his veins increasing ten fold. Two warms hands on either shoulder gently led him into the gym, and Daichi called everyone over. 

When Suga had stayed with Daichi, the school nurse had called him to check up on how he was doing and inquired on when he was going to tell the rest of the team. Suga told him he didn't know, but he knew he had to. The nurse had offered to tell the team for him, but Suga only asked that he relay his injury information, he would tell them his gender identity and gender history himself.

Which is why he now stood in front of the whole team, taking a deep breath. 

"Um. So. You probably all heard I broke a rib." Nods all around "Well... before I tell you the specific reason for that, I'd like to tell you a bit of personal information... Um." Suga cringed at how awkward he was being. "I'm transgender. A transgender boy. Which means that I was assigned female as birth, but discovered that I was actually a boy. The reason I broke my rib is because I was using... Not very safe ways to bind my breasts down so that I could pass as a boy." He could feel Asahi and Daichi shift behind him at the reminder of how he'd been hurting himself. 

"Sugaaaa!! You shouldn't hurt yourself like thaaaat!!! You're too pretty a boy to be hurting!!!"

It was times like this that Suga really loved Nishinoya. 

He smiled gently.

"Don't worry, Noya-chan, I'm not doing it anymore." 

"Good! 'Cos we need you here at practice! You were almost beating Tanaka at spiking!"

Despite it clearly not being true, spiking was not Suga's strong point, Suga laughed nonetheless.

"YUU! HOW COULD YOU!" Tanaka, then feeling it was the most sensible thing to do, chased Noya down until he was pinned under the larger boy, screeching about Noya's betrayal to his 'bro'. 

Well, as a parent of the team, Suga couldn't stand for this.

" _Tanaka._ "

The rest of the team stilled, Sugamama was back.

"Get off of Noya-chan before you break his rib!"

The tense silence that followed Suga's comment was quickly follow by a Mrs. Sawamura-esque cackle from Suga. 

"Now, _Captain_ , I do believe we are late to start practice? You better make them work ten times as hard! I'll be sitting out for quite a few practices, which means that I have time to critque both your individual performances and your teamwork! Now, c'mon! Let's get going!"

Daichi quickly started into action, shouting at the team, ordering they do " _5 laps round the gym, followed by two laps of diving receieves."_

The team collectively groaned. 

Suga smiled as he saw Ennoshita walk up to Daichi, Asahi and him before joining Tanaka in running, all he said was a small "It's good to have you three back."

Suga felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. With Asahi and Daichi and the Karasuno team, Suga knew he was going to be okay. 

" _Tanaka, stop flirting with Ennoshita and get back to running!"_

"Sorry, Suga-san!"

Yes, Suga thought, it really was good to be back.


End file.
